Weird Office Snails

There hasn't been a new episode of Weird Office Tales in over a year. For that, I apologize. But rest assured that the new episode is finished or "in the can" in film parlance. But wouldn't you know it, as soon as we finished editing the Final Cut Program decided to take a big dump on our faces.

The program keeps dropping frames and won't even play the episode on the timeline. Which is weird, because it was working fine whilst we edited. Anyway, my co-writer Karlito has been wracking his brain to figure it out, but it looks pretty grim. I really don't want to re-edit the whole thing. Although if we had, we would have finished it by now instead of trying to fix it. If it happened again, though I'd be crestfallen. Major league falling of crests, yo.

Anyway, muchachos rest assured a new episode is on the way.

Musclebound

I really want to get ripped. I mean, muscle wise. But this thought usually only lasts a few days and then I decide I'm happy with being a pudgy loser. Muscles would be nice though. Except that I think people would always want me to lift stuff and do more work. That doesn't really jive with me.

Book it!

Damn! I haven't updated this in forever! Sorry muchachos! But I think I'm finally going to finish my wizard novel. I've been thinking about it for 2 years and I would finally like to put that to bed. Who cares if I think it's derivative? No one's going to read it but me, right? Anyway, I might post the new pages online so stay tuned!

Also, on Saturday I went to a Roller Derby. It was great fun and a high energy environment. Those girls looked good and were vicious! I'll put more deets later. Work has been a bit slow lately, so I can do more writing.

By Crom!

Yeah, I've been thinking about Conan the Barbarian a lot these days. What would he do if he was in my skechers ? I bet he wouldn't take crap from nobody, and he'd straight-up grab a girl he liked and hoist her over his shoulder.

But he'd drink lots of wine, which I think I'm more of a beer man.

My friend and I were playing the boardgame "Age of Conan" last night. It's a pretty fun strategy game, but I still feel unsatisfied. I need to fulfill my barbarian lusts.

I think it's time to get my replica broadsword and head over to my aunt's backyard. There, I will swing the sword wildly with no shirt on. This will lasts about 3-5 hours before I become winded and pass out on the burnt grass.

Rave

I was invited to go to a rave this weekend. I heard everyone gets real lovey dovey, so the odds of making out with a crazy amount of chicks is appealing, but what if I do some E and end up in my underwear in the middle of a field? I can't go through that again!

Anybody been to one of these? The thought of being packed together with a bunch of sweaty dancers reminds me of that scene in Matrix Reloaded and that feels me with anxiety. Unless...you think Carrie Anne Moss will be there?

No Soup For Me

Well, the boat tour is over. It was a raging success. If by 'raging sucess' you mean a horrible ordeal. Which it was. I burned through the expense account in one afternoon of attacking the mini bar. And then didn't have anything left to show the seniors a good time. (I think they spent the majority of the sea voyage playing shuffle board and talking about their grand kids or some such nonsense.)

All was for naught anyway. Upon reaching dry land we learned that the line of vanity soups was cancelled due to a large rat being accidently put into a can of minestrone. Well, all for the best I suppose. I still got to keep my upfront money (a whopping $762) and I received a few free trips to the state fairgrounds all across this great nation.

I can't complain.

Notes from the Soup Cruise

Audiofile from Matthew's voice recorder. Recorded on 3/30/09.

Matthew: "Okay, so we're just going to brainstorm some activities to do on this cruise. Y'know, something fun, but something that won't take a lot of effort."

Frederick: "Well, [the soup company] did budget $5,000 for the activities. You know, with food and set up, drinks..."

M: "Whoa, whoa. Drinks? I am not buying these people drinks. Besides isn't that included with the price of the cruise?"

F: "Not this one. They were discounted tickets on account that it's really just a glorified floating commercial for your soup line."

M: "Pfft! Sure, 'my' soup line."

F: "Are you done?"

M: "No."

F: "Well, since this is a 60's and over crowd..."

M: "Seriously? No hot chicks? Oh this just keeps getting better and better..."

F: "...we have to stay away from strenuous activities."

M: "Oh for Pete's sake let's just do a blind 'guess the flavor of soup' game and be done with it!"

F: "And what will we do the other three days?"

M: "..."

F: "Well?"

M: "Fine! Use the money to buy booze. We'll just liquor them up so they don't know what's what."

F: "Good choice."

M: "And when we get back, I'm going to see about getting you fired."

F: "Nothing would make me happier."